I've heard the your thirties are the best years of your life. You're established in your career, strong friendships, and you have money to travel and/or provide stability for your family. Not for me.
My thirties have been a whirlwind, especially this past year. I like to call this chapter of my life...Growing Pains. Prior to April 2017, I was making the most money I have ever made. I was VERY comfortable. Things were going almost exactly how I thought they should be going at this point in my life. I bought I home that I love, upgraded my Camry (lol), and was able to travel wherever I pleased without ever having to check my bank account. I even had a lil tenderoni to serve his purpose. But I got comfortable. Too comfortable. I thought the good feelings would last forever. I admit that I like things done my way and I have a huge problem with authority. These are all things that I am very much aware of, and things that I have sought out counseling for, I am not embarrassed to say so. So to no surprise, the job (and the tenderoni) went way. I won't elaborate on the details, but since that time I have done some self reflecting. Why am I this way? Why can't I stop this self destructive behavior? These are problems that I must find solutions to in order to stop this vicious cycle. I have always been very self aware and I try my best to be honest about my feelings so it's easy for me to admit my flaws. That may be one of my strengths in friendships. I can offer advice from a very honest perspective using my mistakes or lessons I've learned. It's also the reason why I have now realized that I need professional help to resolve them as well.
I bet you're wondering why I feel comfortable enough to admit that? The answer is simple. There are people who look at my life and think that I have it all together. They may look at my social media posts and envy my social life, my home, the trips I take, and think they are inadequate or missing something. Listen, we ALL have problems. I just want to be one of the few to admit that things aren't always what they seem. I do love my life and the lifestyle that I have created for myself, but the road to get here was not a straight path, and as I just admitted, its still a bit rocky. I just make the best of it by being honest with myself and taking the needed steps to be a better person. God told me a long time ago, I remember the day He spoke to me, that I was put on this earth to be a giver. I didn't like it and for the longest time I fought it by being selfish with my time, energy, and money. But as I matured, I realized that until I accepted it, I would not prosper. This post is apart of that. I do not believe that He puts us through certain situations to keep the outcome to ourselves. We must share them with others and whomever needs it, will receive it.
When I was 15, my mother became ill. She had health problems from the time I was 8 due to a car accident, but was able to maintain until that time. When she became ill, I became the adult of the house. I was responsible for making sure the bills were paid, buying groceries, toiletries, etc. My first job, I was responsible for helping to pay the bills, while all my friends were using their money for fast good, underage drinking, and luxurious trips to Little Rock. I didn't understand it. Why did I have to be an adult at such a young age. It was hard. Very hard. In fact I started to act out. I would go off on teachers, get into fights, all the things that hurt kids do. But now as a 34 year old woman who is 100% on top of her business, I get it now. I had to go through that in order to be who I am now, and to teach "my kids" and some friends how to handle theirs. And I know that was the purpose of going through that because teeanagers actually listen to me. Where they do that at?! lol But seriously, it's all about the lessons. And here's one for you: Be careful of being envious of people's lives. You never know what they had to go through to get where they are.
So as I mentioned in the beginning, this past year has been ROUGH! I am now working a job that I *insert politically correct term for hate*, my finances are not where I want them to be, my love life is pathetic (topic for another blog, coming soon), and I just feel like everything is off track. But the other day, something (God) told me to reach out to my cousin. And she told me exactly what I needed to hear. She told me that my life was exactly where it was supposed to be. That I had to let go of the idea that my life was supposed to follow this set path, and that I was meant to create my own. That my life was not meant to look like anyone elses and to trust the process. And although I've heard something similar before, I received it this time. And when I truly think about it, I wouldn't trade lives with anyone else. Not even Oprah (have you read her story, chile please). Also, we aren't all meant for the lives we think we want. When I think about the patience and wherewithal it takes to be Oprah, I just don't have it! And that's ok because I'll have exactly what I need to handle the life that is meant for me. That may not come easy. It may come with some hard lessons and that too is ok. Because while going through it, just remember This Too Shall Pass. Keep going.
Love,
Amber
