Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Successfully Unsuccessful

While trolling around on Facebook, I saw a post about why successful men are, or choose to remain single. After watching the video and reading the comments from the men, I began to think, what defines being successful? And does success in life necessarily qualify you to be successful in relationships?

In my opinion, people put too much praise on "success". What qualifies as being successful? As a woman, I can (and I actually do) have the degrees, good job, home, etc but what does that mean if I cant make a man WANT to stay around? In reality, the only way to define my success as far as relationships go, is my track record of maintaining a good one. The same goes for a man. Who cares about your education, money and the fact that you don't have kids if your personality is garbage and no woman can stand to be around you?

I read some comments from men that pretty much said that because they are successful in life (degree, no kids, preferable debt to income ratio, etc) that they are in an elite group of superhuman individuals that are too good for love and that women should go above and beyond the realm of what is humanly possible to get his attention. Its absurd. Wait.....let me back up. I honestly don't feel that MOST men feel this way, but that group does exist and this needs to be addressed dammit! If you watch the video that I've posted, you may get a better idea of what I'm trying to express here. One guy even goes as far as to say that he's on a higher shelf because he doesn't have the flaws that another guy may have. Huh? The fact that you said that made the next guy just a little more attractive. I personally cant stand a cocky, arrogant man. I understand its a struggle to be humble at times when you KNOW that you're shitting on the competition, but everyone must realize that arrogance is not very attractive. Especially when there's no personality to match. Ugh. Disgusting.

I used to think that because I brought so much to the table that I didn't have to work as hard to be considered a "good" woman. I figured that once he saw what all I had going, that I was in there. Wrong! I had to realize that no one would want to marry me because of my degrees, or job, or deed, but that I would have to show them a WOMAN! You can look real good on paper, and never get someone to like you because You have nothing in the form of attractive human traits to offer. Why do you think so many "accomplished" women get snatched up by street dudes or bad boys, or whatever you like to call them? He may not have the Fortune 500 job, he may have a kid or two, but he treats her like a woman, makes her feel good, and probably isn't boring her to death.

Now don't get me wrong, once you get to a point in life where you've reached a majority of your goals and have attained the things that you want in life on your own, and you begin to search for a mate, its natural to opt for someone who has reached a similar level of......."success". But its important to keep an open mind and to be realistic when dealing with people. Its a struggle, trust me I know, but its hard to match up with someone who's tit for tat with you. And if you do meet someone 'on your level', doesn't mean that it will automatically work. Point is, there is no formula for a happy life. You just gotta go through the trial and error and try not to let the bad experiences make you bitter or hold a grudge. You will be hurt, your feelings will be out there, but there is no reward without risk!

Here is the link to the video that sparked my thoughts :)

The video has been removed. 


  1. Again...u done a good job!!!

    We all could use a lesson in humility. We all need to understand degrees, jobs, credit scores, and homes can be taken in a glimpse. Those things shld mean nothing when searching for a mate. Pay attn to a persons character and how they treat others more than how they treat there credit score.