Wednesday, May 16, 2012

You Are What You Deal With

This post is half dating, half self perception, please discern the half that applies to you.

We've all had the experience of dealing with someone who doesn't quite deserve us. Whether its in an intimate relationship, a friendship, co-workers/bosses, etc. But where do we draw the line? Is the pain of letting go, really as bad as the pain of dealing with the situation? Does it take that strong of a person to let it go, or does it take being completely fed up to leave?

From my personal experience, I usually let go once I'm completely fed up. Sometimes it takes a few months, sometimes it takes years. Of course, your attachment to that person/thing often determines your time frame of when you CAN let go. Sometimes when that emotional attachment is so strong, you can't fight it. I suggest you just keep at it until you absolutely get tired of the mess. BUT remember, that the more you contribute, the more you're gonna be tempted to stick around and wait for your effort to be reciprocated. How many times have you thought, " I've put in so much work and I just want some appreciation." So we stick around and wait.....and wait, and wait, and wait. Next thing you know, years and years have passed and you're still waiting.

One thing that I know for SURE is that when you're truly wanted, you don't wait. You are a priority and anything else that you're told is just a lie to keep their benefits package. I have a few close male friends that I know will keep it real with me, whether it hurts my feelings or not. I also know that they know me very well as well as my worth, so I trust their opinions. What I've learned from them is that a man can fake it til he makes it. Men are not as emotionally attached to us as we are to them, (I'm talking during the dating phase, or usually the phase where the relationship status hasn't been fully established. Don't know if you're in this stage? If someone asks you if you're single and you have to think about it, this is you. lol (#NoBeef) so the little things that we do that we think shows our affection and devotion, most men don't notice. Now there are exceptions. One being that he is REALLY into you and notices and appreciates everything. When you have that, you know it. But let's be honest, it usually takes a while to get a man to that point, and with the woman to man ratio being so high, competition is fierce, and some of these women are ruthless and unstoppable when it comes to seducing and reeling in a man! Secondly, it depends on the maturity level of the guy. I mean really, if he isn't established in his life, he probably isn't ready to settle down. Sometimes we feel as if we can coerce a man to be with us if we show our "ride or die" qualities or try to help him through his l il storm. Nope! All that does is give him someone he can depend on, nothing more, nothing less. It wont make him think "Damn this girl is really down for me, I'm going to marry her when I get myself together". Although that's what a lot of us think, it doesn't always work that way. When a man wants you, you wont have to guess or do anything to "make" him see that you're that one and only, he'll show you!

Now all of this is just from my personal experiences, conversations, and observations. I don't claim to know it all, but I know what I've been through and I know that the outcomes seldom change. There are some good men out there that want to settle down and be providers who aren't quite able to for whatever reason, be it, career instability, financial reasons, etc, that could use that extra push to get it together. But, what I want people, especially women, because that's who does this more often, to understand is that, helping a man doesn't entitle you to anything except a "THANK YOU". Not a ring, not a commitment, not a house, none of that. If you (men and women) want to be there for someone, do it from the kindness of your heart, not because you expect something in return. Whether that something is a relationship, a YOM (you owe me), or whatever, make sure you're doing it for the right reason. If you KNOW that you're only helping someone because you want them to owe you, do them and yourself a favor and DON'T. I'd rather struggle than have someone help me who is only doing it so that I will own them later. Another thing, if you have those kind of tit for tat relationships in your life, you may need to do some evaluating. Personally, I don't want friends like that. Do you? Then why in the hell would someone marry your ulterior motive having ass? LOL You are what you deal with!

What are your opinions on this?

1 comment:

  1. Really good read...

    I think often people just want things to be reciprocal. No one wants to be in a situation where they aren't getting a return on there investment of time and energy.